Christian relationships and Relationship with God

Forced Love

Christian Relationships Love cannot be forced: it must be freely given – we fool ourselves if we think otherwise. We may want someone to love us, but we cannot win that person’s love by force. Even if we demanded love at the point of a sword, people might go through the motions of showing it, but only out of fear. In their hearts they would despise us.

When nations have forced their religious views on others (the Crusades, the Inquisition, etc), it has always ended in disaster. These unfortunate episodes have blighted Christianity, creating international distrust which has lasted for centuries. The ‘Cause of Christianity’ will never be won at the ‘point of a sword’. We should remember this when making national policies, work policies, school policies and family policies. The goal should always be to see people receive salvation and come to love the Lord, but if we think we will achieve this noble aim through legal action, bullying or harassment, we fool ourselves. Christ has shown us the way by living the example. People flocked to him seeking forgiveness, compassion, grace and love - He never forced himself on anyone. When we start living our ideals instead of forcing them on others, people may stop fleeing from Christianity – and run towards it. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Always Part of the Family

Christian Relationships When we are born, we are born into a family – we don’t have any choice in the matter. We all have a biological mother and father and, whether we like it or not, they will always be our biological parents. We may also have biological sisters, brothers, uncles and aunties. Some may not know who they are, some will wish they didn’t know and change their name and end all contact. However, the fact remains we were born into that family and nothing we can do will ever change that.

As Christians we are ‘born again’ into the Royal Family of God (through faith in Christ). We did nothing to earn our place in God’s family and we can do nothing to change it. As soon as we believe in Christ, our names are placed in the ‘Book of Life’. Once born into God’s family, nothing can remove us – not even ourselves. We may disown God. We may turn our backs on Him and never talk (pray) to Him. We may even tell everyone we’re not a Christian, but it does not change the fact: Once a Family member, always a Family member. We did nothing to earn salvation and we can do nothing to lose salvation.
In Heaven, there will be many surprised people in the Royal Family of God. They will be eternally thankful that at one point in their life they believed in Jesus Christ and God immediately adopted them as joint heirs with Christ, sharing all His riches and privileges – and nothing they did thereafter could ever change that fact. (Rom 8:16-17)

Expressing Our Love

Christian Relationships When we are in love, it is natural to continually think about, talk about and long to be with the person we love. We want to do things to show our adoration. We delight in foregoing things for ourselves so we can buy gifts for them. Doing tasks on their behalf is a pleasure - not a chore. This is an expression of our love and a natural outcome of such devotion.

We should question our spiritual life if our service becomes a chore. If we serve from peer pressure, guilt or because we want something in return, our service will soon be a great burden. Moreover, God is not honoured by this and He will not honour the ‘forced’ gift.
We talk about sacrificing this and that for Christ, but when we are truly in love everything we do should be a natural result of devotion. Sacrificial love, sacrificial giving, sacrificial service all sound quite painful. In reality our meager works mustn’t be forced as in a sacrifice, but be gifts of appreciation to a loving Father who never stops showering us with gifts.

The Frightened Child

Christian Relationships It is complimentary to you as a parent when your frightened child runs into your bedroom in the middle of the night, climbs into bed and promptly falls asleep peacefully by your side. While too scared to sleep alone, the child has complete confidence in being safe in your protection.

Similarly, we compliment God when we run to His side filled with our worldly woes. Then, our fears promptly vanish because we are in His safe presence. God is glorified when we are at peace - completely assured that nothing can harm us.
On the other hand, we can conclude God is certainly not glorified when we don’t trust Him and remain scared when He has assured us there is nothing to fear. (Isaiah 43:1, 2)

Oxygen Mask

Christian Relationships With air travel, it is standard practice for flight attendants to demonstrate safety procedures in case of an emergency. Should the cabin air pressure drop, an oxygen mask must be worn by everyone. Parents are told to fix their own mask before placing one on their child. At first, this may seem selfish and a little callous – surely, a loving parent should look after the child’s needs before their own? We can answer that question with another one. What good would the parent be if he or she blacked out from lack of oxygen while trying to save the child?

God tells us to love Him above all else. This is not a selfish command from a jealous God, but wise counsel from a loving God. If our first love is Christ, we actually increase our ability to love our family and friends. If we are occupied with Christ, we will not faint in times of adversity.
When we focus on God, we have the strength necessary to help those desperate for the oxygen of grace. It is important to first fix the mask-of-grace on ourselves by making sure we have the right relationship with God. In having God in our lives, we can claim His promises, delight in His grace, push our problems on Him and relax. When we put other people’s spiritual needs ahead of our own, we will soon feel the effects of a lack of grace in our own spiritual life. Then, in times of emergency, if we spiritually black out, what use are we to those around us? (Matthew 10:37)

Writing Love Letters

Christian Relationships A man, filled with romantic notions, decided to write a love letter to his wife. He became so caught up in writing on how unbearable life would be without her that he didn’t notice she had arrived home. While he continued to write page after page, listing how he was his wife’s undying servant, she cleaned the house, did the washing and cooked in the kitchen. So involved was he in composing poetic words of his wife’s incomparable beauty, he didn’t notice she had dressed-up and changed her hair. When she invited him to walk in the park and watch the sunset, her husband declined; he was far too busy writing about how he loved to spend every minute in her wonderful company.
On her return, he eagerly presented her with the passionate love letter. His wife read it, gave a half smile and politely thanked him. Her husband was disappointed. He expected her to respond with romantic joy. Baffled, he asked: ‘Doesn’t my letter please you? Haven’t I written every loving thing a woman likes to hear?’
‘Yes, it’s very sweet, my darling,’ she replied quietly. ‘I do appreciate your sentiments, but I would rather see your love than read about it.’

We sing songs to God with many ‘Halleluiahs’ and ‘Praise the Lords’. We give offerings and tell God how wonderful and glorious He is. We rightly recognize how awful our lives would be without Him. But are we just ‘writing love-letters’, or is our life a living-love-letter to God? (James 1:22-25)

Two Halves Make A Whole

Christian Relationships Many things have two parts to make a whole. A candle needs wax and a wick to make useful light. A bow needs an arrow to hit the target. A CD needs a CD-player to make beautiful music. A BBQ will not cook without gas or coals. A hose is just a pipe without water. So many things need a counterpart before they can become truly effective.

God designed man and woman as two parts that come together to work as an effective whole. Quite often, we will only start functioning when we are connected to our counterpart. What one lacks, the other has in abundance and vice versa. Only as a whole do we start realizing our purpose and full potential. God created marriage so greater things could be accomplished. However, in order for this to happen, both parts must be in working order. (Ecclesiastics 4:9)

Unwanted Advice

Unwanted Advice As parents, most understand that we have to be careful in giving unwanted-advice or lectures to our grown-up children. This is a sure way of upsetting family relationships and receiving few future visits from them. One of the hardest things in parenting is waiting for children to ask for council. Wisdom always has a greater chance of being accepted after having been sought.

We sometimes wish God would literally speak to us daily. But if He did we may soon get very tired of His continuous ‘lectures’ on what we should or shouldn’t be doing. Furthermore, if God suddenly told us the truth about ourselves, we would probably be personally offended and not wish to speak to Him again. God is no fool. He knows His unwanted advice and council could be a cause of separation between us and Him. Consequently, He has written His advice and lectures in the Bible. His wisdom resides within this Manual and is readily available for anyone at anytime. When we exhaust all avenues of human wisdom and finally get to the point of asking for Divine council, God will gently guide us to the relevant answers. As a Loving Parent, God is doing His upmost to encourage many visits from His wayward family. He wants the best possible relationship with us and He knows that by forcing unwanted advice on strong-willed children will suddenly cause them to cease all contact, destroying all possible future dialogue.

Wheels on a Car

Christian Relationships A car needs its front wheels facing in the same direction to be driven successfully. If the wheels are facing in opposite directions, quite obviously the car will go nowhere.
A car heads in the direction the front wheels are pointing. When they are aligned there is very little wear and tear. However, when travelling over bumpy roads, the car’s wheels can become unbalanced and unaligned. Soon they start pulling at each other, causing unnecessary wear and tear. If unchecked, the wheel damage will affect the car’s performance and make the journey very uncomfortable. If the wheels are not quickly re-aligned, every bump will push them further out-of-whack… and this does not make for a smooth ride.

Marriage is like a car with its two front wheels (the husband and wife). Where the car (marriage) goes depends on where the front wheels (husband and wife) are pointing. Life’s bumpy roads have a habit of unbalancing a marriage. To reduce the stress and anxiety we must quickly re-align. If unchecked, there will come a day where both husband and wife are trying to head in different directions, and, then the marriage comes to a complete standstill.
As we journey on life’s roads, we should all make sure our car’s front wheels are properly aligned. It makes it so much easier for the back wheels (the children) to follow. (Colossians 3:18-20)

The King's Banquet

Christian Relationships A good leader knows there are times to work and times to play. In days of old, a good king would hold a banquet for his subjects. Such banquets were intended to refresh, encourage, foster loyalty, raise morale and allow people to better know their king. Now, if a king went to a lot of trouble to prepare a banquet for his subjects, would he be pleased if no one turned up?

Every day, God prepares a banquet for us - feasts for the eyes, ears, body and soul. Graciously, God has provided a great variety in nature, scenery, sound and taste. He has provided added companionship through loved ones, friends and pets. He has also provided divine guidance through the Word (Bible). We should take time every day to appreciate these things.
However, we have many excuses for not attending God’s banquets: ‘Sorry Lord, I am too depressed.’ ‘Sorry Lord, I feel too guilty to appreciate the things around me.’ ‘Sorry Lord, I am busy chasing my own glory.’ ‘Sorry Lord, I am too busy serving You to eat at Your table.’
We cannot love the world and God at the same time. It is so easy to banquet (be preoccupied) at the altar of our works, accomplishments, sufferings, desires, disappointments and duties - when we should be dining with Christ. We should never be too busy to notice and enjoy the banquets God has prepared for us (family, food, nature, and so on), no matter how meagre or grand. We should take time each day to see what God has placed on life’s table before us. When we see our cup is overflowing - raise it up and toast the King Almighty. (Luke 14:16-20)

The Matchmaker

Christian evangelism A matchmaker is someone who observes two people and thinks they have the potential of becoming a happy couple. He or she then schemes to bring about a marriage, acting as a go-between and answering any questions. When both parties are pleased with what they have heard, the matchmaker may stop acting as a go-between by arranging an introduction. The couple can then begin a personal relationship, which hopefully will end in marriage.

As Christians, we are called to be spiritual-matchmakers for those in our family, or neighbourhood and workplace. If any lonely souls are seeking a spiritual relationship we should tell them of the most Perfect Person we know – Jesus Christ. When they begin asking questions about this Stranger, we can confidently say: He is a Gentleman as well as a Lord; He is always reliable, loyal, honest, caring, brave and would willingly lay down His life for those He loves. If all goes well, they will be very excited about meeting this Inspiring Person and immediately ask for an introduction. This will hopefully lead to an eternal-spiritual-marriage (salvation) and the start of a glorious relationship.

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The Unneccesary Middleman

Christian Relationships A middleman is an agent who occupies a middle position between the dealings of two parties. Though a middleman is handy in many of life’s dealings, a good marriage does not require one. Marriages will only function if the two people involved communicate directly. If we use a middleman to communicate our thoughts, desires and actions to our partner, we don’t have a relationship with our spouse. We have a relationship with the middleman.

As Christians, we should have a very personal relationship with God. In this age, we have the privilege of speaking directly (through prayer) to our Heavenly Father - we don’t need a middleman. However, many of us court the communicators instead of the Creator. Teachers of God’s Word are often very inspiring people and we may mistakenly think that if we impress them, we will also impress God.
We must remember that a good relationship with God’s teachers doesn’t necessarily mean a good relationship with God. By devoting our time to winning brownie-points from them, we can inadvertently destroy any chance of having a satisfying relationship with the One they are trying to teach us about. (Jeremiah 17:5)

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In Love

Christian Relationships It would be foolish to say we love a person we had never met. Only a love-struck individual, in love with being in love, would make such a claim. True, we may see someone and be instantly attracted, but until we get to know that person we are not in a position to definitely say whether or not we love them. The best way of getting to know someone is through personal communication and spending time in each other’s company. Only then do we truly learn who they are, what they believe and if their words correspond with their actions.

When we first become a Christian it would be imprudent to say we love God who we know nothing about. True, we may be instantly attracted to His magnificence, His power and the things He has done and is doing on our behalf. However, until we learn about His character and His beliefs, we are simply love-struck Christians who quickly declare undying love for a God we know little about.
We get to know God through communication. He talks to us through the Bible (His Word which is alive and powerful). If we study, we will learn about His character and His beliefs. We also get to know God by working with Him (Christian service), talking with Him (prayer), and relaxing with Him (faith in God to solve our problems).
As with all successful relationships, it’s about each party getting to know the other. Omniscient God knows absolutely everything about us and He has graciously given us an eternity to get to know Him. It will soon become evident that God is a perfect candidate for our personal, unreserved and eternal love. (1 John 3:18)

Tit for Tat

Christian Relationships We live in a world of ‘tit for tat’. The rules are simple - you hurt me and I’ll hurt you. For every action there is reaction - anger for anger – violence for violence – hatred for hatred.

Christ turned the ‘tit for tat’ rule upside down by showing us grace when we deserved judgement - by giving mercy to the unmerciful - by demonstrating love when he encountered hatred - by showing generosity to the selfish. Christ lived His life not for himself, but for others.
When we are born again into the family of God, we are encouraged ‘not’ to play by the rules of the world, but by a new set of rules laid down by Jesus Christ. If we all follow His example what a wonderful world it could be.

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Loved

Christian Relationships When a lonely person enters a new loving relationship, those close to the person notice a decided difference in their outlook. The old melancholy has gone replaced by a special feeling of contentment and a tendency to laugh. This change is attributed to the natural human desire to be loved and wanted.

When we as Christians are melancholy and are taking life too seriously - then maybe we have forgotten we have a personal relationship with God who dearly loves and wants us. It’s easy to become so caught up with life’s hustle and bustle that we forget that the Creator of the Heavens and Universe loves us personally. He gave us the greatest of gifts by becoming a man (Jesus Christ) and paid the penalty for our sins. His desire for us is to spend eternity being spoilt by His perfect love, (…His compassions fail not. They are renewed every morning… Lamentations 3:22,23).
If we remember and focus on the fact that we are so loved, with a perfect, eternal, divine love, we should stop feeling melancholy or lonely. Our ‘sads’ should disappear to be replaced by a relaxed, contented attitude. When our mind is occupied by God and Christ the worries of the world will never weigh us down. Furthermore, people around will notice the change in us. When they enquire how it came about, there’s our golden opportunity to arrange a divine introduction. (John 3:16)

A Successful Marriage

Christian Pictures Why remain devoted and loyal to one person in marriage when there are so many other fish in the sea? Marriage goes much deeper than two people getting together for the shallow pursuits of personal pleasure. Rather, it can be the eventual bonding of two souls. To achieve this, both parties must put selfish pursuits behind them and dive deeper for something better. Sadly, most married people stay on the superficial surface and never get to the true depths of what marriage should be all about.

Why restrict ourselves solely to one God when there are so many other gods to pursue in this world (such as popularity, power, money, success)? Just like marriage, Christianity is the bonding of Creator and creation. To work, both parties must remain loyal and devoted to each other - if one is unfaithful, the marriage will break down.
On God’s part, He remains faithful - He never forsakes us, lies to us, or cheats on us. But what are we doing to make this spiritual marriage work? Are we simply swimming on the surface with our relationship with God? If we are reluctant to give up selfish pursuits, our relationship with our Creator will always be shallow. To bond successfully with God, we must stop flirting with the other ‘gods of this world’ hoping for a better deal. Only when we stay faithful to God can He take us to a treasure far greater than anything this world can provide.

Childhood Simplicity

Christian Relationships Generally, to say we love someone when we know little about them is foolish. Yet children rarely know much about their parents, but still love them. The Reason: They know instinctively three very important facts; their parents love them, support them and protect them.

For Christian growth, it’s very important to learn about God – the more we know about our heavenly Father, the greater will be our love for Him. However, as we study and mature, we shouldn’t forget the simple fact that Christianity is like the life of a child. The core of Christianity is essentially a personal relationship between us and our Divine Parent. The simplicity of our relationship with God can be easily overshadowed as we learn advanced doctrines and busy ourselves with many Christian commissions. But when difficulties and adversities push us around, we should remember the simple fact that we have a Divine Father who loves, supports and wants to protect us. Whenever the world overwhelms us, we can rush confidently into the safety and comfort of God’s open arms and fearlessly poke our tongue at all of life’s problems.

Hard to Build - Easy to Destroy

Christian Relationships In life, we soon learn that it takes a lot of effort, time and thought to build something, but practically no effort at all to destroy it.

A good relationship is hard to build. It demands a lot of effort, patience and thoughtfulness. However it can be easily destroyed with one thoughtless act or word.
God created us so we can create many structures of grace which ultimately will bring glory back to Him. When we finally review our life, how very sad if all we see behind is a trail of destruction in the form of broken relationships and missed opportunities. Thus God implores us in Ephesians 4:32, ‘…be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.’

Joining the Royal Family

Christian Relationships Four poor little children lived with their wicked, self-serving stepfather who never fed or clothed them and beat them daily. Quite clearly he didn’t care whether they lived or died. One day, policemen came to the children’s house and arrested the stepfather for the murder of their mother.
When the news spread, a kind prince said he would like to adopt the children. He then approached the four of them and said he had arranged the paperwork, paid all expenses and solemnly promised to always look after them. All he needed was their signatures and they would then legally become members of the royal family for the rest of their lives, living in a palace of great splendour and many wonders. The four children would surely jump at the prince’s gracious offer. But it was not to be. Incredibly, perhaps, one of them spat on the legal papers and kicked the prince in the shin. Sadly, the ungrateful child wanted to grow up just like his stepfather.

Our stepfather, Satan, is the ruler of this world. He was served an arrest warrant and his sentence is pending. God wants to rescue us from our cruel stepfather. He has done the necessary legal work and sent a gracious Prince (Christ) with the offer to adopt us into His family. All we need do is accept this generous offer and sign the papers (believe in Christ). Then we are adopted into the greatest Royal Family of all time - and beyond.
What fools we would be to spit at Jesus Christ’s offer by rejecting Him as Saviour. We must remember, if we keep Satan as our legal stepfather, we receive his inheritance. Satan has only an eternal jail sentence to share with his family, but God has the riches of the universe to share with His.

Joining the Family Dinner

Christian Image A very rich man sat at his dinner table and watched his three children fight over the TV remote. He decided to make his children an offer. If they would stop what they were doing and come to the table as a family for dinner, then join him afterwards to clear away the dishes, he would reward them generously. He told them his private jet would fly them to the world’s best theme parks with each being given a million dollars’ spending money. Then they could tour the world to find a beautiful mansion to be filled with everything they personally desired. Added to this, they could invite all their friends and the same offer would be made to them.
Two of his children leapt eagerly from their chairs and joined their father at the dinner table - this was an extremely generous offer not to be missed. They were so overjoyed, that spending ten minutes afterwards doing the dishes was just an opportunity to discuss the fantastic wonders to come. As for phoning their friends with the invitation, that certainly wasn’t a chore.
However, one son didn’t join the family dinner - his favourite show was on. He gave away a lifetime of riches to watch a half-hour sitcom.

When we believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, we are ‘reborn’ into God’s family. As our father, God has made us a generous offer, which makes the offer described above look dull. God has said, if we join our family at the table (Christian fellowship), help with the dishes (Christian service) and invite all our friends (evangelize), He will give us fantastic rewards, far beyond our imagination and expectation. What we do in life does have repercussions throughout eternity. Life is so small compared to forever – less than a half-hour sitcom. We would be pretty stupid not to switch off ‘life’s distractions’ and join the family dinner for an eternity of riches. (2 Timothy 2: 11-13).

Rescuing Loved Ones

Christian Relationships In medieval times, stories abound of valiant knights who lived by a code of chivalry, charging in to rescue hapless maidens taken hostage by a terrible dragon.

A romance quite often begins with a rescue, but ends with neglect. We may start a romance when we meet someone and reassure him or her of how special they are. As the years pass, however, we can become complacent and forget to encourage our partners who, suddenly, are snatched away by old inner fears, doubts and worries.
God has given a very special role to each person in a romance - that of chivalrous protector. We are to shield each other from inner-dragons by letting our partners know they are loved and valuable with no good reason to be jealous or insecure. When we fail to be vigilant we shouldn’t be surprised if our partners are taken hostage. Then as prisoners they are not where they should be – by our side fighting spiritual battles.
An occupational hazard of Christianity is spending so much energy trying to encourage strangers that we neglect the primary people in our lives. If that happens, we should immediately rescue our partners from their inner dragons by reassuring, encouraging and taking the time to make them feel special again. Nothing rekindles a romance like a rescue. (Colossians 3:12-14)

Warrior-Maidens

Christian Marriage A warrior-maiden is a lady prepared to fight for her beliefs. In times of battle it is far better to be aided by warrior-maidens than surrounded by girlish-women who are more hindrance than help.

We are in the middle of a spiritual battle. God never designed women to be helpless and useless. God designed women to be warrior-maidens, to stand equally by their man fully equipped in God’s armour with sword drawn. At times maidens need rescuing, but what is seldom admitted - so do knights. Men are prone to battle weariness and can become very discouraged. Just as knights slay dragons – maidens inspire knights to continue the battle.
We all need someone to guard our back and fight at our side – this is the function of marriage. Women have a wonderful role; they have the power to inspire and keep their partners’ eyes on the heavenly objective. God intended man and woman to fight as one unit. When two are knitted together as one and each covers the other’s back, it will be possible to win spiritual battles which once seemed impossible.

Keeping in Contact

Keeping in Contact In our busy lives, it is easy to lose contact with family or friends. If we don’t make the effort to keep in regular contact, close relationships eventually slip away. In time, they rarely come into our thoughts and soon become a distant memory.

At first we may have had a meaningful and personal relationship with God, but if we don’t keep in regular contact (through prayer and study) we inevitably lose contact with Him. He will cease to be a reality in our daily life and we may begin to wonder if He exists at all.
Ironically, if we are lazy with our correspondence we can lose contact with God, even when we attend church regularly. We can be so busy with various programmes and fellowshipping with other Christians, that we have no time to fellowship with God. Friendship with God can be lost in the very place we go to develop it.
Christianity is not about religion – it’s about a relationship with our Heavenly Father. God is all around us and will never forsake us. He waits patiently – continually giving us little reminders to call home. No matter how much time since we last spoke to Him, God doesn’t hold a grudge. When we finally call, God happily picks up our friendship where we last left off. (Isaiah 26:3, 1 Chronicles 28:20, Revelations 3:20)

Fighting Siblings

Fighting Siblings As children, we often fail to understand that when we hurt our brothers and sisters we also hurt our parents. Conversely, brothers and sisters who encourage and support each other in spite of petty differences are a pleasure to witness and bring great credit to their parents.

As Christians, we may not always see eye to eye with everyone in our church as well as have differences of opinion with Christians in other denominations. But that does not change the fact we are all brothers and sisters in Christ. Do we please our Heavenly Father (who feels the hurt of His every son and daughter) when we openly criticise other Christians? What message does it send to the world when we attack another member of our Christian family? We are Christ’s ambassadors. Squabbling amongst ourselves grieves God and brings no credit to Him. Those who witness a family fighting in public are always glad they are not part of that family.
As Christians, maybe we should practice what the Bible preaches: Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:30-32)

Mixed-up Kids

Christian Kids Most kids get things back-to-front. They give their utmost attention and best efforts trying to impress the ‘in-crowd’, who in return wouldn’t give them the time of day. And to the family who unconditionally loves and provides for them, they demonstrate their worst behaviour.

As we grow older, do we change? We give our utmost to companies that have no appreciation for our loyalty and if they thought higher profits could be made would retrench us without a second thought. We eagerly give our attention and time to rich and influential people, but to those who unconditionally love us we reserve our impatience and intolerance.
So too do we take for granted our Heavenly Father who unconditionally provides for our every need, keeps us safe, never forsakes us, loves us so much He came as a man and died on the Cross to provide our eternal salvation. Yet, unless we are in strife, we seldom give God the time of day.
Most of us are caught in the rut (the same as when we were kids) of chasing status, power and admiration of others. Sadly, if we pursue the attention of the World, it will use and inevitably spit us out. In retrospect, we will wish we had spent our time and effort on those few people who have always unconditionally loved us – the top of the list is our Heavenly Father. (1 John 4:9-10)

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